I’ve been thinking a lot about ageing – my own and Greg’s – because I have constant reminders: the aches and pains, the deterioration of eyesight despite my lens replacement four years ago. memory loss, and seeing a lot of aged persons when we visit my father-in-law Wal in his home in Raymond Terrace twice a week. I have also become more sensitive about seeing the elderly on the streets, on film and TV. I also have fond thoughts of Nanay’s last days when she flitted between being grumpy, happy, scared, overly sensitive, and confused. It’s not the best of times physically and mentally, but the benefits of age emotionally and with familial closeness (because we have more time to help family) do make up for the downside. Plus it is inevitable – for the lucky ones who live long anyway – so we just get on life and enjoy it anyway we can.
Greg and I feel for Dad when he has trouble moving about, when he gets swollen legs, has to wear this thing for his plumbing at night because nappies are not enough, and his eyed, memory and concentration have started to wane a bit. I however delight in seeing him relish his food, enjoy our conversations about things that may seem mundane to most, and how he smiles when he sees photos of his mother and siblings down to his grandchildren 3 generations apart.
He gets delusional at times, possibly from trauma suffered from working as a policeman for 25 years. Greg used to get upset over it and annoyed, sometimes tell his Dad he was imagining things. Greg was impatient until his cousin Dennis told him what he used to do with his demented Dad, ie to let him enjoy his delusions, not deprive him of them, particularly if they give him pleasure. So now everybody is happier. We chuckle sometimes about what Dad says (eg. the Police Commissioner accordingly visiting him in the home and asking for his advice about the Lindt Cafe incident) but when we see the sense of importance that it gives Dad, you just gotta let him have it. It doesn’t hurt anyone and it makes him happy which makes us happy. And that’s the only thing that matters.
I can go on and on about my thoughts on ageing – my own and Greg’s – but I will end it here, for now. Just remember, our dear children and grandchildren, when we’re at that stage that Nanay was at and Dad Wal is in, please be more mindful of what we are going through, which you yourselves will also go through. Bear with us, as we hear, see and understand less. Have a chuckle at our expense by all means, but please do not take what we do or say or can’t do or say, against us. And if we forget to tell you then, let us tell you now when we have complete control of our senses – we love you without bounds and would do anything to show you our love until we die. But if we can’t then, know always that we do.
